TO E:
no matter what happens, i'll always be here for you.it's very upsetting to know that things didnt turn out th way i badly wanted it to. but at least i tried, i did all that i can & made it that far. i never once thought this would end, so soon. but well, it's just happening now. our r/s was just like a music auto-playing on by itself but halfway of th song something went wrong, i've got no choice but to press th "PAUSE" button & realised soon after there's no "PLAY" button option, th only way to play it again was to find th remote control, you had it all along but yet disappointing-ly you chose to press th "STOP" button instead & put eveything to an end. so what was i afterall? nothing, not even a piece of shxt. cause you didnt even bother to consider about my feelings, of all days you chose to break up on th day i always thought was rather important in my life. of all other 364days, it just fell so nice so perfectly on th day i thought you wouldnt.
i hated you for eveything you've done to me. everything, to me! th worst part was i hated you for th plain reason that i just cant manage to erase you off my mind, regardless what i do to myself.. i bleed, cried, screamed. shouted, & tried ending my life yet nothing helps, i've tried all ways but they just ended up leading me to you again.. once or twice was a coincident, third was another coincident, bt now tell me whats th forth, fifth, sixth & so on.. i often ponder, hoping that things would just go on & be fine. praying hard day & night that one day you'll come back to me, come back to th point where you've abandoned me. i know it best that i cant see you with another girl, im a fxcking selfish i admit. you told me before to find another guy better than you, but i cant bring myself to get close to another cause th only i wanna get close is you, You, YOU!
thinking of you has become a daily routine for me, habit sucks & it's terrifying. & it's killing me each day, i tried to hold on waiting for you to look back, which you never once did. so, being disappointed enough i took th other route & walk to that direction. far far away from you, somewhere from what i thought we once had & built together. just wanna tell you this: i'll never give myself to another th way i give it to you. at least not now.
im breaking down real soon if this goes on. period.
